Personal Reflection (Literature Criticism and Theory)

2020 September 10

My educational journey has been a roller coaster and I feel like I will not be able to exit until I finish school. At first, I was focusing on trying to be socially conscious about my actions and mannerisms around other people. I did not want to stick out like a sore thumb when I did something embarrassing making me limit my contact with other people. I primarily rode solo through middle school to the middle of high school where I meet people who I could connect with. There was also a disparaging number of different races from the schools I attended. There was blacks and Mexicans, no other race. The rare few that came to my schools who looked different got absolutely chewed out for being obstinate to adopt mannerism that are not familiar to them. This type of behavior made me retreat into my shell in fear of people learning about the 'real me' and not the person who reluctantly changes his answer to fit a narrative, or who has others think for him. I was clueless with street rules and common sense because I grew up privilege and never have to worry about any indefinite hardship along the way. The most damaging things I have dealt with had to do with my physical appearance and not keeping up with the latest trends. People would ask me what my favorite type of music was, and I would not be able to respond because I rarely thought about that question and had little music knowledge. It seems people would take little nitpicks about me and weaponize it against me since I was an easy target to be taking advantage of. This behavior soon transferred into my behavior with schoolwork. I was not readily completing assignments for the sake of learning something new; I was completing them for the sake of a good grade and piece of paper that I could hang on a door. Outside influences were also another factor for my performance as people who dropped out managed to get successful jobs in the future because of the connections they made along the way. The notion that dropping out did not severely limit their opportunities baffled me and it caused me to question my purpose even further. There are requirements to take specific classes and complete tasks that may fall out of a person's interest if they feel forced to succeed for a good grade. Also, how many of those classes are going to applicable in real world situations and how likely is a person is going to run into those obstacles. The education system feels a bit disconnected as it aims to perfect and perceive over progressing and observing and making the corrections from there. I would like to see students rewarded for how much effort they put into their work instead of basing their knowledge on correct answers on a bubble test. Opportunities should always be available for those who are working hard to get to their dreams and be a better version of themselves. Without opportunities people would be left at square one and will rely on coasting along for the ride, or brutally forcing their way into the gates of opportunity which can hurt them mentally. I discovered the skill to actively seek success so that no one could tell me that "I was too late" or "Fixing up mistakes before attempting a task". People have to learn and grow from their mistakes and I see it as a disservice where people feel hopeless when there is no workaround.